I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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