let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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