I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
