ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
