Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize