"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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