I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
