there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
