Midget sex pt 2 tonight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
