Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize