I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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