sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
