you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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