My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
