He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize