so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
