Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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