Sry I called you an 8
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
