Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
