Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
