I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
