Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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