In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
