Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
