even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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