My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize