PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
