Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
did i just pee glitter
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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