He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
