I looked at my own cervix.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
