Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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