There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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