I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
