I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
