My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God, I missed his penis.
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