Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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