You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
