I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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