so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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