My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
