Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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