You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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