Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
