yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
