I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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