So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
