Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
