easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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