Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
