Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
