I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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