it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize