I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
