She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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