sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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