and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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