Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
