You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
