i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
