i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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