got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how does that bad decision feel?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
