where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
