Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
