is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize