Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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