Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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