This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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