In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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