i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
