just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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