Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
